"I'm sorry I am unable to assist with your request. May I suggest you consult our online help center, where you will find answers to many common questions."
"Sincerely,
Acme Customer Care"
What's wrong with this note, besides everything? The thing that bugs me even more than the complete lack of assistance (which most customers have sadly come to expect) is the "anonymity barrier" -- an unsigned note with no contact person and no way to reply.
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